Before we get into this particular chapter, the finale, I have some trigger warnings to give. There is a lot of trauma responses and unhealthy coping mechanisms in this chapter. Ethan and Carter haven’t done enough to not have this particular fight happen, and neither handle it well. So, TW for harassment, alcohol consumption, abandonment, and eating disorders/disordered eating.
~~~~
The announcement about Carter joining the Knicks was big news, and much like Ethan had told him, it was only a day later that Marcus put out an article that made their relationship press official. With the article was a photo that Marcus had taken of Ethan with his phone at the Championship game. It was a pretty good photo, too, because it showed Ethan cheering Carter from the stands while Carter was moving away from the basket in the background. Ethan had just been turning back around to smile at Marcus when the photo was taken.
Ethan explained to Carter that Marcus started as a photographer before he worked his way up, so it wasn’t surprising the shot was so good. He actually remembered when he took the photo. What wasn’t shown was the way Ethan rolled his eyes right after he realized what Marcus had been doing, but on the plus side, Marcus had been kind enough to send him the photo, and Ethan rather liked it.
While Carter was meeting his new teammates and speaking with the press, Ethan had contacted his realtor again to tell her he definitely wanted to move forward with finding a place in New York, and so with the list of his needs in the house, she went to work trying to find something that was perfect.
It wasn’t long after that his realtor showed him a house that was in a quiet neighborhood with a ton of room between homes. It was farther out from work than his old home was, and would make the most sense to just take the train to work rather than driving, but it was nice, and he loved how beautiful the trees were around the house.
It was once they got into the house that Ethan knew it was perfect though. The ceilings were higher than most homes, and vaulted in the living room and master bedroom. Even Ethan, at his six foot one frame didn’t have to duck a little to go through the doors, and there was still plenty of room between his head and the top. Going down into the basement, which was finished and had a great setup for exercising and a game room, especially since it had a built-in bar, would be easy for Carter to get through.
What really sold it to Ethan was the backyard though. There was a tree, obviously old and beautiful, reaching up into the skies, and he could see an old treehouse built into the middle of it. It made him smile as he thought of the treehouse on Chloe’s parent’s property, way out in the woods and mostly forgotten by them though movement would be caught by the cameras, but not by Chloe and her friends. It had become their sanctuary, their safe place. This treehouse was smaller, and could definitely use some work, but that was exactly a project that Ethan would be all over.
Plus, the driveway, which was fairly big and led up to a three-car garage, had a basketball hoop.
Ethan told Carter he wasn’t going to put down an offer on the house if he didn’t like it, because he didn’t really want to move somewhere that Carter couldn’t view as his own home too, but in the end Carter thought it was an amazing home, and perfectly suited for their needs, so Ethan put down an offer at full asking price, and the offer was accepted. The inspection went well and, since the previous owners had already moved and wanted things done, as rich people tended to, they closed not long afterward.
Luckily, they had Ethan’s whole friend group and Carter’s new teammates who wanted to welcome him to the area, who were willing to help them pack and move. Coco hated the whole experience, and spent most of her time sitting in the sink in the new master bathroom. She even swiped at Ethan at one point when he tried to make sure she was okay, out of stress. Carter came into the bathroom to see Ethan holding up his arm where she had scratched him as he said, “I will carry this with me always, as a reminder of your everlasting hatred of me, Coco. But that’s okay, because I love you, you little shit.”
By the end of the day, Chloe was driving Ethan nuts, though. She had her own ideas of how the layout of rooms should be, while Ethan liked to spend a little time planning out how he did things. He was only able to get her to stop talking about the right setups for optimal use of the space by pointing out that he wasn’t the only one who would be living there, and while Wayne was happy to let Chloe take the leads on many things in their relationship, likely out of self-preservation (that comment which got a smile out of Wayne and a glare from Chloe), Carter probably had opinions.
They had everything moved over and placed, and most of it unpacked by the end of the day though. Carter was surprised that despite how much space Ethan had at the old house, his personal effects were actually only enough to fill about six boxes, and less than half of his wardrobe was not scrubs, though he did own a few work suits that he rarely used.
Coco only came out once everyone had left and the furniture was in the places they would stay. Ethan had made one corner of the living room up for her with her cat tree by the sliding glass door that led outside, with her toys, scratchers, and food and water bowl.
They were getting ready to sit down and relax after everyone had eaten pizza, had beer, and now had finally gone home, and Ethan noticed that Carter’s phone kept lighting up. He had been leaving his phone on silent more often now, and his demeanor would change sometimes when he looked at it. Ethan could tell something was wrong, but Carter just wouldn’t talk about it. He’d made the comment about someone who didn’t exist anymore, and then generally didn’t talk about it. He would change the subject most of the time now.
“Carter?” Ethan finally asked as he watched Carter turn off the screen of the phone and put it away before he sat down on the couch. “I may wear glasses but I’m not completely blind.”
“What do you mean by that?” Carter asked.
“Something is bothering you lately, specifically dealing with your phone and likely someone contacting you,” Ethan replied. “So what is wrong?”
Carter looked deeply uncomfortable, “It’s…. complicated,” he said.
“That much I get,” Ethan sighed. “Whatever it is, though, is making you distant and distracted. Maybe actually talking about it will help.”
“I don’t think it will, honestly,” Carter said. “The backstory alone is… it’s just too much.”
Ethan frowned at him. “Alright, well, if it’s something that’s bothering you so much, can you at least block the person or people?”
Carter frowned, “You think I haven’t thought of that? It’s really just best to keep ignoring him like my therapist suggested. He’ll eventually get bored and disappear again.”
Ethan seemed to be studying Carter carefully after he said that, like he was trying to puzzle something out in his head. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of him biting his lip and watching Carter, he turned his head away and picked up his own phone.
“Alright, if you think that’s best,” Ethan said as he pulled up his schedule at work to check when he needed to be in the coming week.
Carter seemed uncertain now. “I really don’t know what’s best but what can I really do? I don’t wanna give the guy the attention he’s after and I really don’t want to be bothered by him but he always finds out when I block him and tries again from a new number. I tried threatening to report him for harassment but the cops wouldn’t take me seriously.”
At this, Ethan put his phone back down and looked at Carter. “Yeah, they generally don’t until something has already happened. You could have a lawyer send a cease and desist, as a starting point to getting a restraining order eventually. You could also change your number, as an option. Unfortunately, though, sometimes guys like this take it beyond just harassment…”
“I’ve changed my number. The cops tell me there’s no way to prove it’s him, he always uses prepaid phones or some spoofing software that makes it untraceable.” Carter said, clearly frustrated, “This is my best option for coping and even this annoys the hell out of me.”
“So I’ve noticed,” Ethan commented. “I wish I had a way to help you, other than telling you to call Jeremy to see what he can do, or Ryder. This is exactly the type of thing Ryder is great at. I think what bothers me though is that you didn’t exactly tell me until I really pried. It kind of feels like there’s one side of you that’s all in here, and another side that’s already one foot out the door just waiting for me to show I’m not…I don’t know, worth it?”
“I told you about my commitment issues before. I haven’t had much chance with everything going on to do anything about them. I worry constantly that I’m overcommitted to relationships and the other person is just using me for a good time and as soon as anything gets serious they’ll bail on me,” Carter said. “I know what that looks like, I just don’t know what I can do about it right now.”
“I don’t really have a good answer for that,” Ethan admitted.
“Well, don’t make it about you. It isn’t. I’m not worrying about your worth, I’m worried about mine.” Carter said defensively.
Ethan blinked at that for a moment. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to make it about me. I was just telling you how it feels right now. I get that insecurities are hard, but you aren’t the only one with them.”
“I just wish I didn’t need this stupid phone,” Carter said. He messed with his settings a bit and put the phone on Do Not Disturb.
“Well, unless you want to move to Alaska and live off the land, it’s an unfortunate side effect,” Ethan replied. Carter gave him a particularly scathing side-eye at that, which made Ethan just give him a grin, though it wasn’t as bright a grin as Carter normally got from him.
They put the issue aside to spend the rest of the night just relaxing before bed, but Carter’s mood kept getting worse as the days wore on. It made Ethan on edge too, like anything he might do would set Carter off. He was still closed off about it, and Ethan eventually headed over to Jeremy and Jimmy’s to get some advice on how to deal with this situation, as they at least had a good handle on this relationship thing, and unlike Chloe, their answers wouldn’t be “get drunk and smash things to feel better.”
“I don’t really know what to do,” Ethan said to them. “I feel like I’m walking on eggshells here, and the problem isn’t going away. It seems to be getting worse. Every time his phone pings he gets agitated.”
Jeremy looked at his husband, though his face made it clear he was remembering things from the past. “That’s generally not a good sign, Ethan.”
Jimmy gave it some thought, but ended up shrugging, “I’m sorry Ethan, I wish I had an easy answer. Pro sportsballers have issues like this crop up when they make it big, but they generally go away with time. Have you tried giving him a safe space to discuss it with you and being non-judgemental and avoiding defensiveness when talking about it?”
“I’ve been trying to, but I can admit to the fact that I’m not particularly good with this type of thing,” Ethan replied. “When we were dealing with all of Jeremy’s shit, I did one of two things: sat quietly and let him deal, or forced him to open up. There wasn’t a lot of nuance there.”
“Yeah, the second was really annoying, and I’m still going to get some payback one day,” Jeremy told him.
“You’re going to have to get good at it!” Jimmy suggested.
“Thank you, Jimmy,” Ethan said flatly. “I never would have guessed that’d be the answer.”
Because of talking to Jeremy and Jimmy, Ethan got home later than he normally would when he was on a day shift. He came into the house to see Coco sitting on her cat tree, looking entirely un-bothered with life. Carter was in the basement working out and his phone was on the kitchen counter, buzzing around in little circles. Ethan stood there for a moment, trying to decide what to do, before he went over and picked up Carter’s phone to make sure none of his team was trying to contact him around all of the blather.
Instead, he saw non-stop messages and missed calls, presumably from this mystery person. He stood there for a moment and read through some of the messages. Several were the same sort of thing you’d expect: “I miss you”, “Come back, I forgive you”, and the like. Then they took a turn, one threatened a lawsuit unless Carter turned over a “finder’s fee” for “getting him into basketball”.
Ethan only looked up from the messages when he heard Carter come up the stairs. Carter stopped in the doorway at the top of the stairs and stared at Ethan. “What’re you doing?”
Ethan sighed and put the phone down on the table again. “Mostly making sure you weren’t missing important calls or messages, but I’ll admit my curiosity got the best of me. You know if he’s threatening lawsuits, then that’s immediately the time to lawyer up, right?”
“I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about you going through my phone. What do you mean ‘threatening lawsuits’?” Carter asked.
“It’s not like I broke into it with your passcode or anything, but I’m sorry,” Ethan replied, trying to keep the defensiveness out of his tone. “You didn’t see that part yet?”
“I just came up from working out. I haven’t even looked at my phone. I set it so that it audibly rings for the important people and I can hear that from anywhere in the house,” Carter responded. “Why are you so obsessed over my phone? You saw I haven’t responded. I’m not cheating on you or anything!”
“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Ethan said with an indignant huff. “I’m worried because situations like this can get dangerous. I’ve watched it happen personally, and I worry about you. On top of that, you aren’t acting like yourself lately. Your light, joking attitude you usually have, even in bed and serious situations, isn’t here at all. And you’ve barely touched me since all of this started!”
“So you what? You feel like I pulled a bait and switch? I knew this was too good to be true,” Carter said, grabbing his phone off the table to turn it off as it started buzzing again.
“Are you fucking serious right now?” Ethan asked him. “People like this tend to get a little crazy over fame and money, and sometimes it makes them do dangerous things. I don’t want to see you in the hospital over something this guy decides to do because he’s greedy or just plain psycho. You’re reading into my words and actions what isn’t there, and I think somewhere deep down, you fucking know it!”
“I can’t do this,” Carter said, striding to the door and grabbing his keys off the hook by the door on his way out. Ethan called out to him as he walked away but Carter ignored it and slammed the door behind him. He drove for a while, his phone still off in the center console of his car as he tried to think and drive safely with the tears in his eyes. He couldn’t believe Ethan had talked to him like that. He was pretty convinced at this point that he had been right and Ethan was just looking for a reason to bail on him like everyone else had. He drove until he ran out of gas, then realized he’d left his wallet at the house. He turned his phone on and called one of his teammates to bring him some gas.
He waited in his car until Jerry got there and they put some gas in his car. Jerry even followed him to a gas station and paid for a full tank. Carter thanked him but had no idea where to go now. Jerry told him he had just left a party and invited him along, so he followed his teammate to a pre-season party, turning his phone back off without even looking at it.
Ethan left a couple of voicemails, trying to keep his emotions as reeled in as he possibly could. Eventually he had to admit defeat though. He had a shift the next day, early, which Carter knew about. He made a sandwich, ate it, and then went to bed. When Ethan woke up the next day to his alarm, Carter’s side of the bed was still cold, and his car wasn’t there.
“Carter, come on, this is crazy,” Ethan said into the next voicemail, then winced at himself when he realized what word he said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. Please, just talk to me!”
He hung up and then went to shower, making it to work right on time thanks to the train. Ethan spent most of his shift in a funk, trying to ignore the growing knot in his stomach. He worked through his lunch break entirely, not sure if he could keep food down. Lily even offered to get him a smoothie, but he shook his head and pointed to his coffee, calling it the fuel of champions. She gave him a concerned look but left it alone. Sometimes he got in moods and the best thing to do was to give him time.
Carter woke up around noon, still hungover from the night before and still not entirely sure that going back to the house was a good idea. His voicemails when he turned his phone back on convinced him that he would do best to stay away for a bit, so he went back to the house to gather the essentials into an overnight bag and went back to Jerry’s. By the time he got back, they were all starting to wake up and seek hangover remedies. He joined them as they grabbed something greasy to eat and then hit the gym to work out. Jerry had a membership at a local place and got him in as a guest.
After their workout, they all got cleaned up and found another party. Carter didn’t even look at his phone, which was still off in the center console of his car, as one party led to another and one day led to a week.
Ethan had immediately noticed the things missing from the house when he got back the first night, and it kept weighing on him each day that Carter didn’t even say a word to him. By a week, he was coming to terms with the fact that he had a taste of his own medicine with the one person he had ever fallen in love with just running.
Work felt like it took forever, and his mind was trailing off constantly. He was standing in the trauma bay trying to help a car crash victim. He was pulling out medicine from a vial into a needle and was about to put it into the IV line when Lily grabbed his arm as she held the vial in her hand.
“Dr. Morrow,” she said, her voice showing her shock and worry. “That’s epinephrine…”
Ethan took a step back, and looked up where Dr. Drew Lawson and Dr. Irving were looking at him, concern evident in their expressions. “I…I don’t…I read it wrong…”
“Dr. Lawson, take over,” Dr. Irving said before he motioned for Ethan to get out of the trauma bay. Ethan gave a shaky nod and Dr. Irving followed him out and to the break room. “Where the fuck is your head, Ethan?”
“I…” Ethan started, but he had no good excuses. He could have killed the patient. “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”
“Damn right it won’t happen again,” Dr. Irving growled, barely containing his anger. “Get your goddamn head in the game here, or don’t be here at all.”
“What are you saying?” Ethan asked.
“I should fire you for this,” Dr. Irving told him, and Ethan’s face paled at that. “I should, but I know you’ve been going through a lot lately, so I’m not going to. You need to be in the right mind frame, though. This is emergency medicine. I’m putting you on two months unpaid leave, and you’d better come back here with the right attitude or else don’t even bother coming back. Now go home.”
Ethan didn’t even argue with him. He just gave his mentor a nod and then grabbed his coat and walked out. He did a lot of thinking on his way home, staring out at the walls of the subway and the city lights once he was on the train. Walking into the empty house, while he had this hanging over his head, felt like the worst thing he could have done. He felt like his heart was shattering. As he was having trouble not letting himself hyperventilate, he took some sleeping pills and went to bed without even showering or eating. He laid in bed for a while breathing shallow breaths and sobbing until the pills kicked in, and then blessed darkness.