CONTENT WARNING: This story contains heavy non-consent/reluctance, trauma, drug use, and more. Please do not read this if you are uncomfortable.

Inspiration for this story was drawn from the TV show “Baby Reindeer.”

***

Gargantuan testicles slapping my tiny grapes. How did I get here? On all fours, a huge cock stretching my already gaped asshole. Just a few weeks ago I was a straight virgin but now I’m a full-fledged faggot. One who gets on his knees and cums with a dick up his butt. So who is my owner, you ask? The man who turned me into a dick-taking bitch? Well that would be Angus Arthur.

When he took me under his wing a few months ago I was ecstatic. This big time comedy producer wanted to hang out with me! Can you believe it?! Neither could I, but there was no way I’d pass on the opportunity. Little did I know Angus never actually intended to boost my career. From the moment we met my mentor’s only goal was to groom me into his perfect boy.

It all started at the comedy club one night after a show. Angus was in the crowd and introduced himself at the bar.

“You’re good, kid. We should get you in the writer’s room.”

I nearly spat out my drink. That was always my dream, to write for successful shows like his.

“I-I mean… Are you serious?”

Angus put his arm around me and said, “of course I’m serious! I know talent, kid, and you’ve got it. Now why don’t we head back to mine and talk shop.”

So that’s how it began. This twisted relationship between me and the man who would eventually rape me, then date me…..

***

“Pass me the pipe, Marky, and do another line.”

I’m at Angus’s apartment again. It’s become a routine for us: he comes to my shows, we party, then we end the night at his place. Hanging out with him has been so fun. I get into the coolest clubs and meet the hottest chicks. I still haven’t taken any home but I know I will soon. Then I’ll finally get to lose my virginity…..

Yup, it’s embarrassing but I’m a 24 year old virgin. I chalk it up to the fact that I’m just under 5’7″ and only weigh 120 lbs. The girls never flock to me, but where I lack in masculinity Angus makes up for us twofold. He’s 6’4″ and thick, a mustached bear of a man, and although I wouldn’t call him that handsome women don’t seem to care. They throw themselves all over him, yet who’s the lucky guy who always ends up on his couch?

SNNIIIIIIFFFFF

“Wooaahhh….”

I’ve just done another bump of ketamine and feel loopy. Time is moving backwards, it’s like I’m in a video game. Angus puts his big arm around my bony shoulder and asks if I’m okay. He always makes sure I am which I appreciate. There aren’t too many folks in the world who care about me and it’s comforting to have this powerful man on my side.

I look over at the strong arm protecting me. Angus’s hairy biceps easily fill the sleeves of his light blue polo and his gold Rolex sits comfortably in a forest of fur. I feel so safe as we watch a show he produced. He’s explaining the artistic process and I’m as engrossed as I can be while zonked out.

Angus tells me, “soooooon you’ll be the oneeeeee writingggg….” but it’s all slurring and I can’t see straight. “Aaaareeee you okaaaay, Maaaarky?” He’s snapping in my face in slow motion.

“I think… I’m just gonna….. lie……… down…………..”

I rest my head on Angus’s broad lap and curl towards him. He’s so warm and cozy, the perfect place to sleep. I feel his thick fingers running through my long hair, his nails scratching my scalp as my soft moans turn to snores.

I wake up the next morning on my stomach in just my undies. They’re pulled down halfway which is weird, but last night was such a blur it could’ve been anything. Interestingly, as I put my clothes back on I’m struck with a flash of deja vu. This isn’t the first time I’ve woken up on Angus’s couch in my underwear. Nor is it the first time I’ve felt a sticky residue on my skin, a slight tingling in my mouth and groin. Though these incidents are strange, we do so many drugs here it’s hardly crazy for a few accidents to happen. It’s definitely nothing.

To me, our friendship is the ideal situation. Angus brings me to parties, gives me tons of drugs, and is gonna catapult my career. In fact, I’m so confident in my mentor’s guidance that I quit my side job as a barista to focus on writing. With more free time, I’ve spent nearly every night this week at his house. He even lets me hang out here during the day while he works, I just have to do some dumb shit like take out the trash. It’s not so bad though, his place is super nice and I can smoke as much weed as I want.

“Get me another beer, would you?”

It’s Friday night and Angus and I are chilling watching a movie. I’ve been at his house all day so I made us a little dinner, nothing fancy.

“Thanks babe,” Angus teases when I come back with his drink. “This meal is fuckin’ bomb! You’re shaping up to be quite the little housewife!”

He smacks my butt hard and I squeal. I try to laugh it off but notice he’s been making a lot of jokes that insult my masculinity lately. I never say anything because I don’t want to ruin this opportunity but it’s starting to get to me. If only I wasn’t such a bitch….

“How about you go do the dishes. I’m gonna get something special ready for us.”

Angus whips out a ziplock bag with what I recognize as mushrooms inside. Having never done them, I’m both scared and excited. I’ve heard they can do crazy things, like reveal stuff about yourself you don’t even know. But I’ve also heard they can be really intense, make you introspective and self-critical, kill your ego….. After anxiously cleaning I return to two earthy piles.

“This might suck,” Angus laughs before downing his portion with orange juice.

I do the same, nearly retching halfway through but manage to finish.

“Bleh! That was disgusting!”

“Yup, but soon it’ll all be worth it.”

Twenty minutes later my stomach is churning. I look to my mentor with a pale face.

“I think I’m gonna puke…..”

Angus puts his hand on my knee and tells me I’ll be okay.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

His big palm hasn’t left and is slowly moving up my skinny thigh. It’s kinda weird but the wood paneled walls are starting to swirl and I’m too distracted to care.

“Woahhh……. Are you like…… feeling it….?”

I look over at Angus and meet his warm brown eyes.

“Yeah……..” he replies with an easy smile. “I am………”

I smile back at him, totally lost in the patterns forming in his facial hair. I reach out and touch his beard without thinking. He laughs.

“Youuu like howww it feeeeeeeelssss….?”

“Yesssssssss,” I answer with a long hiss, now high out of my mind.

Everything is melting, fractals twisting in impossible colors. Angus’s thick forearm veins are slithering across his olive skin, and when I look at my pale thighs I see my blue ones doing the same. Staring at my smooth legs, I notice how much girlier they are than Angus’s. His hairy tree trunks are bursting out of his khaki shorts while mine don’t even touch at the gap.

He moves his hand inward and traces up my prominent femoral artery. Okay, still weird…. But the mushrooms are sending too many thoughts to keep up! I start getting anxious. What does he think about my legs? Does he think they’re girly? And what else does he think about me?? What do I think about me??! Oh god!!

“Are you okay? You look hot.” Angus seems genuinely concerned.

I tell him I’m fine but he insists I take off my shirt. Now I’m even more self-conscious since I look like a boy next to Angus. All this self-deprecation cuts even more deeply on the shrooms and I can no longer run from it. Yes I’ve felt inadequate before, but for some reason right now it’s so real. And that’s because it is! I’m a 24 year old virgin who mooches off a man that STILL hasn’t given him a job! Holy fuck! What’s happening!! The facade upholding my worthless life is shattering in front of me!

“Baby, baby, calm down. You’re okay….”

During my freak out my shorts seem to have come off. I’m sitting cross legged on the couch, my small package covered by just my tighty whities. Angus’s hand is still on my inner thigh and doesn’t seem to be moving. I get uncomfortable and try to slide away but he gives me an uncharacteristically stern look. It makes me feel small and even more cowardly than usual. Why can’t I stand up for myself! I’m such a fucking pussy!

As if he’s reading my mind, Angus tells me to get him a beer. While walking to the kitchen, I stop in the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. Woah…. This is…. weird…. In what feels like the third person, I can now see just how petite my body truly is. My muscles are weak and ineffective, I’d never beat anyone in a fight. I’m tiny, scrawny, a wimp, but maybe there’s something else….?

The golden sun rays are hitting me at just the right angle and for the first time I see myself in literally a different light. One in which my thin nose and high cheek bones might actually be…. Pretty? My trim waist and perky butt…. Cute? For five minutes I get lost in my blue eyes, blonde hair and smooth skin. I get lost in myself, loving some parts and hating others, all of them me.

This bizarre self-inspection ends with my biggest, or should I say smallest, shame: my penis….. On the psychedelics it’s even more shriveled than usual, a puny gumdrop on my trimmed pubic lawn. Sigh, I know it’s not fair but I blame my three inch erection for everything. All my problems stem from my cock, or lack thereof…. When I return with Angus’s beer he asks what took so long.

“You got lost in your reflection, didn’t you?”

I blush and nod.

“Ha, that always happens the first time! Now come on, sit back down. Let’s get comfortable.”

I feel weird in just my underwear since he’s in a dry fit polo and shorts, but when I look for my clothes they’re gone. Now I’m uneasy but the shrooms have me questioning everything. Angus notices I’m too lit to function and pulls me onto the couch. We’re really close now, one of my legs over his, and my heart is racing.

A couple minutes later, Angus asks very calmly, “did you like what you saw in the mirror?”

What the fuck? That’s such a loaded question, and we don’t really talk about this stuff. I feel like I’m at a therapy session and freeze up, but eventually sputter out, “ummm…. I g-guess I liked some things and not others.”

“Well what did you like, Marky? Was it your supple skin? Or your long, healthy hair?”

I blush so red I can feel it in my toes. Angus smiles and begins to slowly trace up my taut tummy.

“What else did you like? Your beautiful blue eyes? Your plump pink lips?”

I’m on fire as I’m complimented for basically the first time. It feels so good to be called attractive, especially when you’re a virgin like me. High as hell on the shrooms, I just giggle and babble back. Angus grins and tickles me until we’ve rolled into a spooning position. I’m the little spoon, lying on my side facing the television. Angus’s beefy body is cradling mine and my senses are flooded with his manhood. Masculine musk penetrating my nostrils, a prickly beard piercing my neck. We’re cuddling more intimately than I have with anyone — let alone a 40+ man! — and I don’t know what to think! This is all so new to me!

We don’t speak about the position we’re in and just let ourselves marinate. The longer we lie, the more my tummy tingles. I can feel my heartbeat in my throat as Angus’s big hands roam my body, and though I should be uncomfortable for some reason it’s nice. His touch is so warm and firm, confident. I’m not sure why I’m letting this happen but don’t want it to stop.

When I look down my cock is lurching in my undies with a desire I’ve never felt. I’m so confused by my reaction. Why here? Why now?? I’m too deep in my thoughts to silence my boner and Angus seems to have noticed. He keeps pawing it like a cat, and I’m even more embarrassed for him to learn my puny size than of the erection itself!

After grazing it a few more times, he asks in a gravely baritone, “and what didn’t you like?”

I’m hyperventilating. The implication is so obvious and I have absolutely NO desire to go down that road. When I try to squirm free though Angus holds me tight.

“Come on, Marky, tell me. Is it your little cock that you don’t like? This tiny thing?”

Suddenly my underwear is stripped off and I’m buck naked in Angus’s arms. I briefly try to wrestle away but know I don’t stand a chance. Gasping, sweaty, confused, I wriggle weakly while he molests my painfully hard dick.

“It’s so puny,” he condescends. “Not even the size of my pinky!”

He compares my Vienna sausage to his beefy finger and it’s true, I can’t compete. Everything is spiraling, I don’t want to come to terms with all this right now! Beyond defeated, my body goes limp. Sensing my submission, Angus loosens his grip and caresses me more sensually.

“Mmmm,” he coos with a gentle kiss to my head. “These tiny balls too. So cute, like a little clit and ovaries.”

I’m numb, stunned into silence, my manhood eviscerated. Yet it’s my little penis that brought me here, to being a lonely virgin, so it’s only fitting its inadequacy is now center stage. As Angus molests me, I can’t help but wonder if that nagging thought I’ve always had is actually true. The one about whether God made me for a different purpose. I’ve never fit into the manly mold and didn’t understand why. But now, as I experience sexuality and human connection for the first time with a man, my purpose seems to be revealing itself. I can’t explain my infinite emotions: petrified and embarrassed, but also eager and full of adrenaline.

Angus is stroking my little nub between two fingers while tapping my grapes with his pinky. I’m more erect than I’ve ever been, it’s fucking insane! The drugs must be supercharging my libido because my tip is leaking like a faucet, which it never does. My groin is melting with pleasure, everything contracting and pulsating, building up to what I know will be a life-changing explosion.

Angus growls in my ear, “the penis defines the man and yours ain’t much.”

I cry out with shame but can no longer deny the truth. All the platitudes, the “it’s not how big it’s how you use it”s have gone out the window. Because they were never real, were they? They’ve always been a load of bullshit. Guys like me do finish last, but not because we’re nice. It’s because we’re too weak to get first, too passive and girly. I’ve always felt I had less testosterone and ran from it. But right here, naked in an older man’s arms, high out of my mind of introspective psychedelics, there’s nowhere to hide.

“I bet you’ve never even stuck it in a hole, have you? Never gotten your little dick wet.”

He’s pinching my stick as he accurately assesses my lifelong dry spell, which he makes me admit includes blowjobs. I’m so ashamed of my lack of manhood but can’t escape it. All my inadequacies are being laid out and I have to accept them.

“The thing about boys like you, Marky, little-dicked prissies, is that God made you this way for a reason. He didn’t want you fucking pussy and spreading seed. Hell no, otherwise he wouldn’t have given you that clit! No, God had other plans for you. He gave you that little thing because he never wanted you to use it…”

Angus’s hand is now traveling over my hip. He rubs my porcelain buttcheek, grips it firmly then continues inward toward my crack. I’m totally frozen as he swipes up my lightly haired pucker. He does it a few more times, marking his territory.

“Unnnhhhhh……..!”

I whimper as his pointer presses against me. Right on the wrinkles, jamming my button.

“Mmmm… I knew you’d like this. Boys like you with little clits get way more pleasure from their pussies.”

He pushes until his first knuckle enters then wiggles around. My hips gyrate as he works his way inside but it’s not until he adds saliva that he glides palm deep.

“OH!”

I can’t quite believe what’s happening! My insides are being probed but I’ve never felt hotter! To my utter shame, being fingered by this huge man has awoken a sexual creature I didn’t know existed. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised though….

Ever since I visited Japan last year I’ve been paying a lot more attention to my butthole. All the toilets there had bidets and when the water sprayed my tight pucker my dick instantly steeled. At night in my hotel I’d sit on the toilet for hours, spreading my cheeks to hit different angles, letting the taboo pleasure of anal stimulation overtake me. I masturbated dozens of times that vacation, each with a jet of water tickling my bum.

When I got home I didn’t have a special toilet but that didn’t stop me from messing around. Since then I’ve gotten used to jacking with my legs spread, two fingers on my dick, another up my ass. The two hand technique is labor intensive but the orgasms are next level. Yet even in all my recent butt play nothing has felt remotely as good as Angus’s long digit. It’s like he’s scratching a lifelong itch and my body can’t cope with the pleasure!

“God, Marky, your pussy’s so fuckin’ tight. I can’t wait to be all up inside it.”

Angus’s voice, thick with desire, jolts a primal fear into me. I realize he can do whatever he wants with me and no one’s gonna stop him… Through the lens of the mushrooms, I fully comprehend just how pathetic my position is. I’m the exact opposite of a man — spread naked and penetrated — and it’s all my own fault! I should’ve known this would eventually happen, I’m so naive! So vulnerable and weak!

“Shhhh…” Angus soothes as my nubile body squirms. “I’m not gonna do anything you don’t want. You know you like it, Marky, look at you. Rock hard with my finger up your ass. All skinny and smooth, just like a girl. You’re not like the other boys, you need a man to take care of you. But I think you already know that.”

Angus leans over so he can witness my devastation.

“You know that’s how I’ve always treated you, right? Like a submissive little girl. Because face it, baby, that’s what you are. My little girlfriend, always spending time with me, doing my chores, staying in the lines I draw for you. Hell, you practically live here now!”

It’s crushing to have my situation laid bare, even if it was obvious.

“But you know why you keep coming back, right, baby?” Angus is hugging me tighter, kissing my neck. “Because you know Daddy takes care of you. That’s right, you know no matter what happens, Daddy’s always gonna make sure his little boy is safe and fed. Come on sweetie, don’t fight it. You already know what you are, now I just need to make it official.”

“Uhhhh! W-wait….!”

The drugs begin to peak as Angus rolls me onto my back. I’m far too weak to get away and am soon being folded in half. My legs are stretched wide, hips spread open, just like when I masturbate. It’s raw and carnal to be stuck in a mating press and I feel my cock surge.

Angus’s bearded face swoops down to kiss me and I don’t know how to react. I try to shut my mouth but he pries it open with his tongue then slides down my throat. My eyes shoot open as we do a dirtier dance than I have with any girl. I don’t want to but it’s hard not to kiss back. His stubbly face feels so good against my soft one, so right…..

“Let me show you what a real man looks like.”

Angus is up on his knees, pulling down his shorts. Following a forest of pubes pops a penis the size of which prior to this I could not have fathomed. His uncut meat is nearly thrice my size and the drugs make the comparison even more visceral.

“This whole thing’s going inside you, baby. I’m gonna pop your cherry and you’ll never get it back.”

I’m trying to clench my ass but it’s impossible while splayed. I squeeze my hole tight but Angus’s now lubed rod keeps pushing against it. After being fingered for what felt like hours, it’s hard to resist his goading. My body is a fortress but his slick round knob is breaking through!