I can’t see but I feel someone positioning me onto my hands and knees. I try to call out and ask who is there, but I am unable to speak.

“Shh… it’s alright. This is what you wanted. What you need, remember?”

My head is fuzzy, and I am disoriented. The soothing male voice sounds familiar. I wish I could see him… I squirm and discover my hands and feet are restrained by… rope? Cool air caresses my skin, which makes me come to the realization that I am nude. This is confirmed when I feel the sting of a hand slapping my bare ass.

“Sit still, pet.”

I go completely lax as I recognize the firm and commanding voice that I love. But I don’t understand… Why is Alex here?

“You go first. I insist.”

Who is Alex talking to? I hear a soft laugh and then…

“You are so generous.”

Ben? I let out a muffled moan when I feel cool wetness dripping over my ass and down between my cheeks. Fingers pry me open and rub against my opening. I can feel my cock hardening in spite of my reservations.-

Arousal is warring with the confusion in my mind. Half of me wants to relax, enjoy, and just… take it. The other half feels like this is wrong. I feel dirty. Used. Cheap. And I’m loving every second of it.

Unexpectedly, a thumb is pressed into my hole too fast. I stiffen up and yell through what I think is duct tape securing my mouth. It hurt a little bit, but mostly it was just a surprise. I will my body to relax…

Ben coos apologetically, “I’m so sorry, Nate. I got a little too eager there…” He smooths his hands down my back, ass and thighs slowly. It calms me down. I breath in and out slowly through my nose and lie my cheek against the cool table. I feel fingers at the nape of my neck gently tugging and then light momentarily blinds me. Blinking fast, my eyes finally adjust and I see Alex’s beautiful face.

“Hello there, love. How do you feel?”

It wasn’t until Alex asked, that I realize Ben has got two fingers scissoring inside of me. The stretch feels good. I try to say as much, but I can’t for obvious reasons.

“Hmm, I think you feel pretty damn good right about now.”

His deep voice envelops me in a warm glow causing me to lose focus. God how I’ve missed him. Then I remember I have no idea how I got here…

Alex kneels down and lifts up my face, cradling both sides in his strong hands. “We are giving you your fantasy, love.”

He finally pulls the tape off of my mouth. I swallow a few times then say, “How…?”

Alex smiles at me and leans in for a kiss. I can’t think with his tongue in my mouth. I lose myself in the lips and tongue of my former lover. Wait. Former. Not…-

Before I can try to ask when did he decide to take me back, I feel the tip of Ben’s cock enter me. I moan into Alex’s mouth. He leans back and licks his lips. His face looks a little annoyed, but I can tell he is trying to hide it. It makes me want to apologize; for what I have no idea.

“Do you like Ben’s cock, Nate? Is it better than mine?”

Alex seems to be mocking me. It hurts for a second but my mind is intoxicated with arousal, and I can’t begin to figure out how to answer that. Thankfully he doesn’t seem to want one. He stands up and starts to unbutton his jeans. Oh… fuck yes… I lick my lips and then groan when I feel Ben push into me all the way.

Alex chuckles and pulls his hard cock out of his pants. I close my eyes and moan. I’ve missed that cock. He asks, “Can you concentrate enough to suck me just the way I like?”

Ben chooses that moment to pull out almost all the way then… he slams into me hard enough to knock the air out of my lungs.-

“Fuck!”

I wasn’t expecting that. Ben starts to pick up the pace and I bite my lip to keep from moaning and panting.

“You’re being so loud… Maybe I should help keep you quiet, Hmm?”

That kind of stung. How the hell can I keep quiet when I’m being railed? I want to defend myself and ask him if he wants to have Ben’s cock up his ass? Before I can, Alex grabs my chin and parts my lips with his thumb then guides the head of his cock slowly inside. My mouth immediately floods with saliva and I wrap my lips around him tightly, trying not to drool.

“God, I missed this mouth.”

My eyes slide shut and I moan at the appraisal. I want to worship his cock like it’s my full time job. I try to concentrate on licking the underside and focus on the head as he pulls out, just how he likes. However, it isn’t easy to remain consistent when Ben adjusts his position and finds my prostate.

Alex’s impatience takes control and he starts to fuck my mouth. He places one hand on the back of my head and the other under my chin; lightly gripping my throat. I love it when he takes control. I lose myself in the sensation of being completely full. I don’t care about how I got here anymore. It feels amazing and I wish it would never end. I can feel my balls tightening and I know it won’t be long before I…

_______________________________________________________

I wake up drenched in sweat and my dick is hard as a rock. I rub a hand over my face trying to ground myself. I whisper, “What the fuck was that?”

It was so real, I feel like I had just been thoroughly fucked. My hole throbs and my lips tingle from the memory. I try to swallow, but my mouth is dry. I get out of bed, walk into my bathroom and turn on the faucet. I cup my hands under the stream and splash my face a few times then gulp down the lukewarm water until my thirst is quenched.

I look up and see my reflection. I am pale and my eyes are bloodshot. I grab a towel and groan into it while drying off. As I start to fully wake up, memories from the night before come back to me.-

Alex’s rejection. Ben’s offer to help me forget for the night… The sex. I lick my lips as I remember the weight of Ben’s cock on them, and my cheeks burn as I recall crawling to him naked.

Last night, after I had cleaned up and dressed, Ben called me a Lyft. The hug he gave me at the door as I was leaving was friendly but a little stiff. There was no kiss like I had been expecting. I frown at the memory of his closed off expression. It felt like he was distancing himself to protect the both of us.

I sigh and walk back to my room. Even though I want to crawl back under the covers and hide from the Ben and Alex issue, that isn’t going to help me. I throw on a pair of shorts and a tank top then grab my keys.

I decide to drive to Venice beach and jog. I don’t normally have a chance to go outside for a run, but lately with more free time on my hands, I am afforded the luxury. The fresh air helps clear my head and I can think about my feelings without the walls of my apartment closing in on me.

Last night with Ben I can accept was a one time thing. Just a quick fling to release some pent up sexual energy and frustration. I desperately needed it, and we both thoroughly enjoyed it… at least I think he did if his orgasm was anything to go by. But here I am thinking about the consequences.

The dream about Alex and Ben I’m pretty sure was my brain’s way of telling me that I still want Alex and Ben wasn’t going to help me get over him. I could see Alex in front of me, but I never saw Ben… just heard his voice and felt his cock. My dick twitches at that thought.-

I am physically attracted to Ben. His dominant energy is a bonus. But, I don’t feel a connection like I do with Alex, and I believe Ben knows that. I’m thankful he isn’t still my client. That would be even more awkward. I need to take him out to a restaurant or a bar… anywhere but Brimstone. I can’t leave things like this.

The boardwalk starts to pick up once the sun is fully risen. Lots of tourists and locals are bustling about having a relaxing day of shopping, walking and eating.

I smile at a woman around my age jogging past me in the opposite direction. The sun shines warmly on my back and I tilt my head up to soak it in. When I bring my head back down I see a guy running towards me. At first I don’t think he is trying to get my attention, but then I hear him say, “Hey! I need to talk to you!”

I stop in front of him, both of us are trying to catch our breath. I catch mine first and ask, “Do I know you?”

The young man pants out a laugh and shakes his head, “No. But I know you.”

I place my hands on my hips, still a little breathless. He could be associated with my dad’s law firm except he is dressed casually: jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt. Probably not a lawyer. Deciding to be polite, I ask, “Do you want to grab some coffee? There is a shop just a few feet away.”

He nods and we make our way to the cafe. He is shorter than me, about Garret’s height. His hair is dark brown with hints of auburn. It reminds me of Alex. I swallow down the sudden lump in my throat. “What is your name?”

He turns around and says, “William.” The sunlight catches in his eyes and I notice they are dark blue, just like…-

No. Surely I am wrong. A combination of exhaustion and shot nerves are making me see things that aren’t there. But… I have to ask, “Are you related to… Alex?”

Shock briefly appears on William’s face, then he smiles and it is like a punch to the gut with it’s familiarity. He was the guy at Alex’s apartment… Fuck.

He nods and confirms my suspicions. “Brother from another mother.” He looks me up and down. I feel like he is sizing me up. He squints at me and says with a hint of humor, “You’re quick.”

I let out a deep breath. I try to keep calm, but my hands are shaking when I reach out to open the front door. If William notices, he doesn’t let it show.

We find a table and a waitress walks over to take our orders. I get a water and black coffee. William asks for a latte and a muffin.

I wait for him to speak first, not sure I can manage to myself. I take in his features. His hair and eyes are just like Alex’s, but that is where the similarities stop. He is very thin, too thin, and I can’t help but notice him tugging on the sleeves of his shirt nervously. Alternating between the two, rhythmically. It’s distracting.

He licks his lips and stares at me for about a minute before finally speaking. “You are very hard to track down. I’ve been looking for you for weeks.”

I don’t know what to think about that, but I manage to let out a surprised, “Oh?”

William laughs. “Yeah. Oh.” He grabs a napkin from the dispenser and starts to fold it like a piece of Origami. “I tried your law firm and they said you don’t work there anymore. Then I tried your apartment, but no one wanted to let me in or buzz you down. Of course I tried to call you…”

Ever since leaving Dixon and Young, I never answer anonymous phone calls. “I’m sorry. I don’t pick up random numbers…”

“But did you listen to the voicemail I left?”

I’ve been getting so many messages, mainly from coworkers asking questions I can’t answer. Maybe it slipped through the cracks. I shake my head. “No.”

He sighs. “Well, I’m glad I was walking the beach today and spotted you.”

I blink at him for a few moments, expecting him to continue but he never does. My first thought is he wants legal advice but I don’t know what for. I ask, “What is it you want?”

The waitress chooses then to bring us our drinks and William’s muffin. Once she is gone and he has swallowed down a bite of muffin with a sip of his latte, he says, “Alex is always looking out for me. When I fuck up, he helps me get back on my feet. I wanted to try and return the favor.”

He must notice the quizzical expression on my face because he adds, “He doesn’t know I’ve been looking for you by the way. He doesn’t even know I know who you are. If it were up to him, I would never have figured it out. But, I don’t give up that easily.” He grins.

I digest this information, and wait patiently for him to continue. I watch as he eats another bite of muffin and gulps greedily from his cup. He lets out a shaky breath and says, “I found out you and my brother got into an argument and split up because you thought I was a client of his, or worse… you thought I was fucking him.” He chuckles softly. “You know we are related now, but… do you really think he would go for someone like me? Come on.”

I wince as the hot coffee I’ve just swallowed without blowing on, burns my tongue. He is watching me with a smirk on his face. I clear my throat and whisper, “I honestly don’t know what Alex’s type is.”

William laughs. “Tall, blonde, clueless…”

I ignore the dig and play with the moisture collecting on the side of my cool water glass for a few seconds, trying to collect my thoughts. I look up and say, “I have two questions: Why was he reluctant to tell you who I was and how did you find me?”

He bites his lip, looks down and tugs on his left shirt sleeve a couple of times before answering. “I’ve… taken advantage of his lovers in the past.” He looks up and stares at me for a minute. He raises his chin ever so slightly. Resignation shines in his eyes when he adds, “I’m an addict.”

My eyes widen in shock, I’m surprised to hear him admit something so personal. Especially to someone he hardly knows. I want to ask if he is sober now, but I’m not sure how that would come across and it isn’t my place to ask.

He continues: “When he stopped loaning me money I started asking his boyfriends… and then his husband.” He frowns. “That didn’t end well.”

It is difficult for me not to ask more about Alex’s past lovers, but I manage to ask instead, “How did you figure out who I was?”

He smiles. “I got him drunk. He spilled everything. How much he wants you back. How perfect you are…. yet so stupid…”

I let out a surprised laugh. “What is that supposed to mean?”

He shrugged. “Well, he said you must be if you think he would cheat on you.”

Admitting the truth in that statement would be too much for me to do right now. Suddenly the floral pattern on the little table we are sitting at is fascinating to me. I bite my lip and trace the outline of a pink rose slowly. William’s loud exhale causes me to look up.

“You need to call him and apologize.”

I close my eyes. I would love nothing more than to go to Alex and beg for his forgiveness. And he would. Because he’s Alex. Which is exactly why I can’t. I open my eyes and say firmly, “No.”

William cocks his head at me and glares. “What? Why?”

I finish my coffee and take a few sips of my water. I pick up the bill and look at William’s angry face. “I don’t get a second chance. He deserves better.”

“What are you? The Patron Saint of Homosexual Martyrs?”

If I wasn’t in a funk, I may have laughed at that. “No, but I’m not going to force him to take me back.”

“He wants you back. He’s miserable.”

The memory of Alex’s angry face last night makes me shake my head. “He’ll get over me.” I won’t get over him. “It’s only been a couple of months.”

He scoffs. “You don’t get it do you?”

That ruffles my feathers a bit. “What don’t I get? That I fucked up? That I was in a bad place at the time and I took it out on him? What I get, is that I don’t deserve his forgiveness.”

“Shouldn’t he be the one to decide that?”

I try to push down the frustration I feel towards this stranger that I don’t know. He is Alex’s brother. He has a right to say these things and feel this way. “Look, William… it was nice meeting you. I wish we had met under different circumstances.”

If looks could kill, William’s face would be on a wanted poster. “Fuck you, Nate.”

I have to smile at the taunt. “I’ve been doing a good job of that all by myself.” I stand up to leave…

“I’m going to tell him we spoke.”

That makes me pause. I close my eyes and think about how he might react to that. I look at William. He seems proud of himself. I sigh and ask, “What good would that do?”

“He has a right to know you chose to walk away even after being confronted with the truth.

I take a second to swallow down that bitter pill. Could Alex possibly hate me any more than he already does? I lick my lips and say, “Fine. You tell him we talked…” I shouldn’t, but I add, “Also, tell him to call me… if he wants to. Will that make you happy?”

That familiar smile creeps back onto his face. Their dad’s genes must be as dominant as Alex is in the bedroom. “Seems kind of lazy on your part, but alright.”

I glare at him, nod curtly and turn to leave with no intention of turning back around.

_______________________________________________________

I manage to make it to my car without breaking down. Once inside, I lose it. I slam my fist into the passenger seat so many times I’m surprised there isn’t a hole in the center of it.

I bury my face in my hands and try to focus on getting my breathing under control. The worst part of all of this is I have no one to blame but myself. It was a knee-jerk reaction for me to assume Alex was cheating on me. My insecurities got the best of me that day especially after what had happened at work. I could blame this on my father, but what good would that do? I have to start making better choices instead of listening to the negative voices inside my head.

I jump in my seat when I hear my phone ringing. My first thought is, Alex, but I know better. I answer with a cautious, “Hello?”

“Nate? I need you to get over to the hospital as soon as you can. Your father has had a stroke…”

It takes me a minute to recognize the deep and distressed voice of my former boss. “Mr. Dixon? When did he…”

“A couple of hours ago. He is stable, but you should be here.”

Fuck. I think about the last conversation I had with my father. I told him I would never see him again. I thought that’s what he wanted at the time. He must have forgotten to remove me as his emergency contact. “I don’t know if he wants me there…”

I hear John sigh. “You are his son. Of course he wants you here.”

My eyes burn with tears I refuse to let spill. Despite the animosity I feel towards the man, he is still my father. I swallow down my emotions and manage a curt, “I’m on my way.”

I disconnect the call and take in a shuddering breath. I look down at my attire and sigh. I don’t have time to go home and change. Hopefully no one will care that I’m wearing shorts and a tank top.

_______________________________________________________

I manage to find a sweatshirt in the backseat of my car when I arrive at the hospital. John is wearing a pastel pink and plaid golf outfit so we both look ridiculous. He fills me in while I wait for a nurse to alert the doctor that I’ve arrived.

I nod and try to remain respectful towards him while listening, but I’m still not sure how he obtained those images of me and Alex. I feel betrayed that he didn’t come to me first instead of showing them to my dad, and embarrassed that he saw me in that position. I’ve known him since I was a child and my father introduced him as Uncle John. He is like a second father to me.

John’s words start to penetrate my subconscious thoughts, and I try to focus instead of dwelling on my bitterness.-

He was supposed to pick Dad up on the way to the golf club. When he didn’t get a response to his text, he walked up to the door and knocked. No answer. Luckily he had a key to the house. When he got in, he saw my dad slumped over the bed wearing his pajamas.

I ask nervously, “How long ago do they think he had the stroke?”

John looks at me with pity, his voice low and sad. “Probably early this morning.”

I close my eyes. The first 3 hours after a stroke are crucial. My eyes fly open when I feel John’s hand on my shoulder. I take a step back, letting his hand fall off, and try to find a seat. John follows and sits next to me. “I’m so sorry, Nate. I wish I could tell you more, but they haven’t told me much.”