Taking a relationship further for non versatile couples on HotGuySecret
Are you a Total Top? Or is your boy a total bottom? Would it help if your boy to were to become a fully passive bottom and completely dependent on his hole for all orgasms and sexual pleasure? Then you need to train him to think of his ass as the boys sexual organ whereas other men’s sexual organ is their penis. The advice below does not apply to versatile couples, only to those interested who may find a true Top man/bottom boy type arrangement will help further their overall relationship. (See my other reading on the beauty of male male sex and why this modal can be very helpful for relationships and is a beautiful thing and a beautiful power exchange)
Tips for training a bottom boy in an long term relationship:
1. Discourage use of his cock. Every time he uses his cock he is experiencing pleasure as a Top, is neglecting his bottom and learning to get off with his cock instead of his hole. Consider consisten chastity use as a tool to help no longer get penile stimulation, and encourage him to finger himself instead or use a toy on his hole. This serves two functions, one is breaking the penile habits he has had his whole life, as those are very old and long held habits. Two, it helps establish control and keep the boys energy and focus on the Top. When you fuck him make sure he is focused on the sensations his bottom is giving him, again chastity can help here as well. Only if this fits with the type of relationship you have, encourage the boy to feel naughty if he touches his dick, but reward him for playing with his bottom. Refer to his cock as a small boys dick, even if it isn’t that small. Encourage him to think that his cock is smaller and kept hairless because it is only meant to pee and not to fuck. Fucking is reserved for Men/Daddies/Tops with Real Cocks, not for a boy. If he is caught touching his dick, act disappointed, so he feels shame when he touches himself there. If you are in a BDSM relationship then there are many options available to you to reinforce this notion that boy touching his nubbin is bad – whether through chastity, humiliation, financial grounding, or spanking. Chastity works wonders in this area and really should be considered. The idea is to encourage negative feelings towards his cock as a source of stimulation and achieving orgasm in a conventionally ‘male’ way. That’s not to say as a dad you can’t unlock your boy and play with his cock from time to time, all gay men and do enjoy that from time to time, but it shouldn’t be too often and it definitely should only be at your discretion as the Top.
2. Make him feel good about his bottom. All boys are naturally self conscious, almost all boys that are into daddy boy relationships seem pretty insecure and seek out stability and security and being reminded that their dad loves them. By telling him how beautiful and delicious his bottom is, and letting him know how much you love it as often as you can, he will gain confidence in his bottom and be much more comfortable in you showing it off and using it. Reinforce behavior which glorifies his bottom and puts it at the forefront of his sexual pleasure and identity. Much like you are trying to promote a feeling of the forbidden and negative towards his cock in tip 1, here you are trying to promote feelings of desirability and positivity surrounding his bottom and being a bottom boy. Show other men how good a bottom he is, and how proud that makes you, by showing pictures of him being topped by yourself or friends of yours. He may resist this, but this reinforces his role as a bottom and how proud you are of him for it. It will help others see your boy as who he truly is. Touch his ass often, even if in public, a small discreet grab or pat goes a long way. If you are at a gay bar, go ahead and put your hand down the back of his pants often, others will see it and know a bit more about who is in charge, and it will be an affectionate feeling for the boy, even if somewhat embarrassing. Either way you are the one in control and the act is one of reassurance to the boy. Everyone loves and needs to feel sexually appreciated as well.
3. The most important rule. Give him pleasure through his bottom! If you want him to be a true bottom and love it, you need to make sure he is feeling satisfied enough anally to forget about his dick. Casually grab his ass cheeks, rub his hole when kissing, play with it during foreplay and ignore his cock completely. Rub it. Play with it. Try to avoid his cock as much as possible. Give him pleasure through his ass, and when you do come round to fucking it, make sure you drive him wild through the fuck and aim to give him an anal orgasm if possible. When he does have an anal orgasm, kiss him, congratulate him, make him feel proud for being a good bottom and how much you love to feel his body contract in orgasm around your cock. Getting a boy to cum regularly from anal alone isn’t easy. That means that as a Top you need to be up to the task of giving him the satisfaction necessary for him to feel that it is worth all the trouble and denial he is going through. You will get to a point where you often will literally fuck the cum out of him through his prostate being hit or just the psychology and power of the act of male male sex. It will get easier in time and the longer the boy is in chastity.
4. Combat his shame. A lot of bottom boys may feel shame for many reasons. They may feel shame for being gay, or that they are not very masculine compared to other boys/Men. They may worry about what people think about them. Even if they come to terms with being gay and being less masculine, they may still feel bad about being exclusively passive bottom boys because let’s face it, Tops get a lot more respect than bottoms both from gays and straights. In order for your boy to truly feel comfortable in his own skin and identity as a fully 100% passive bottom boy and completely give himself to you, and by extension accept you as his 100% active long-term partner, you need to not only encourage that behavior, but let him know that being a bottom boy is OK and anyone who disagrees can go fuck themselves. An important way to do this is to reinforce the message that you are his Man/Daddy and you will keep him safe and protect him from what any haters may say or think. Show him your love and affection as well as your dominance. Let others know often he is a bottom with a small cock and kept in chastity, and that that is ok and normalized, and how proud you are of him for his bottoming and accepting that role, and how his cock is not that of a mans but that is ok. The public reinforcement and acceptance is key and will help him accept it in himself and help him view himself truly as a bottom boy and not as a man. He likely will resist this due to societal prejudice about being a total bottom, but you have to be the one in charge and get him to accept this part of him, and that takes some discomfort socially to drag him, sometimes unwillingly a bit, out of that second closet. Your cock will become a symbol of both your sexuality in the relationship, make sure to take lots of photos of your boy servicing your cock orally and anally and keep them on your phone along with pictures of your boys ass and his cock in chastity. Showing other tops and dads at a gay bar from time to time will have a huge impact on the boy’s learning to accept that part of himself more fully. Again, being nudged out of the second closet a bit.
If you follow the above with a boy who is willing and wants to be trained then you may well end up in the Yin and Yang type relationship so many people idolize. When things are clicking in this manner, it often solves a lot of problems when two men (stubborn as we are) are sometimes both vying for control on an issue that doesn’t really matter, and is a lot cheaper and a lot more effective than relationship counseling and therapy. You will become opposites which fit together perfectly to make a whole. A true team. A relationship where both are getting different and wonderful things and the bond that clicks may even extend itself outside the bedroom when the relationship is more realized and actualized. You may find things will start working better in other areas of the relationship and life.